bad boyfriends

41st Review of “Bad Boyfriends”

Bad Boyfriends Audiobook Cover

Bad Boyfriends Audiobook

Since Amazon began to randomly delete reviews last year, I post the new ones to preserve them. A new review of Bad Boyfriends: Using Attachment Theory to Avoid Mr. (or Ms.) Wrong and Make You a Better Partner:

5.0 out of 5 stars
Highly recommended by an attachment trauma therapist
Format: Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase

This might be one of the best books on attachment for singles struggling with the process of dating. I’m recommending it to my single clients with trauma histories.

The author explains attachment clearly and terms that are relevant to dating. I appreciate his candid advice that certain attachment combinations are taxing, or simple, that you should run and save yourself the headache. As an attachment trauma therapist, I can tell you he’s spot on. Save yourself from a painful divorce, custody battles and years of bitter entanglement with a monster that you can detect while the stakes are low. The healthy singles that will still make you happy 14 years later and won’t stop loving you & your children can be found if you know what they look and sound like.

I highly recommend this easy read to any single that finds Dating confusing or difficult.

Goodreads Review of “Bad Boyfriends” – “This book will save singles immense pain…”

Bad Boyfriends Audiobook Cover

Bad Boyfriends Audiobook

A new Goodreads review of Bad Boyfriends: Using Attachment Theory to Avoid Mr. (or Ms.) Wrong and Make You a Better Partner:

Kimberley rated it 5 stars out of 5 – “it was amazing!”

Bad Boyfriends is a guide to help women (or men) navigate the world of dating, particularly helping them in weeding out “avoidant” men (or women) who don’t have the capacity of participating in a healing, nurturing, healthy relationship without a great deal of therapeutic support and deep work. This book is going to save singles immense pain if it helps them discover this attachment style (and other pathologies) early on, before much time is invested in the relationship. My ex-boyfriend has been heroically honest with the women after me that he begins to date, letting them know that this is his attachment style, and so far, no woman wants to begin a relationship with him. I don’t think relationships work with this type of person because if they meet another avoidant, neither can sustain a relationship beyond a month or two. If they meet someone with an ambivalent attachment style, like me, it will become a living hell for the ambivalent partner. The avoidant doesn’t feel the pain of loss when a relationship ends and actually welcome the end and is relieved by it. There is some hope for an avoidant if they can be with a partner with a history of secure attachment. It will take a great deal of patience on the partner’s part and the ability or desire to be alone a lot.

Contest: Free Audible audiobooks!

Bad Boyfriends Audiobook Cover

Bad Boyfriends Audiobook

I have ten free codes for Audible audiobook versions of Bad Boyfriends and Avoidant. Both are highly-rated and professionally read, and normally sell for $20-25.

Contest rules: send an email to JebKinnison@gmail.com telling me why you’d like to have the audiobook of either (only one, so say which you want) and in a week or so I’ll send ten of each out to those who did the best job. If I get less than ten requests, all win!

“Avoidant” and “Bad Boyfriends” to be Available in China

Beijing Ark Reading Technology - Douban Seal

Beijing Ark Reading Technology – Douban Seal

About a year ago I got an email from a Chinese company I’d never heard of, Douban, which turns out to be a media platform selling primarily on phones. Reading on phones is big in China, and they were wanting to have some of my books translated into Simplified Chinese by running a translation contest, then they’d sell the books and give a cut to the winning translator as well as me.

They seemed legit and it’s a cool idea, so I said yes. Long long wait and a financing later, I signed a contract with Beijing Ark Reading Technology in January. Still no sign of the contest, so I have no idea when readers in China will get to read my books, but I’m hoping Real Soon Now.

Of course, Amazon readers in English can buy Avoidant and Bad Boyfriends right now!

“This Book Saved My Life!”…” A Review of “Avoidant”

If you’ve read and liked any of my books, stop right now and go leave a review over at Amazon. It’s very important, since more reviews gets more exposure gets more sales… which garners more readers and more reviews. Amazon’s recent arbitrary removal of some reviews means each one is more important, and so I post them here when they appear to be sure a copy is kept.

The latest is for Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner, which is selling well and doing some good in the world:

5.0 out of 5 stars
It was the most painful and traumatic experience I ever had
By Jennifer
April 15, 2016
Format: Paperback|Verified Purchase

I agree with one of the other commenters…this book saved my life. I accidentally stumbled on “Fearful Avoidant” after months of research trying to understand why my man dumped me via text after a whirlwind romance. Of course, I had to find one of the guys that fits into the very rare 5% of Fearful Avoidant…It was the most painful and traumatic experience I ever had, but thanks to Jeb Kinnison, it makes perfect sense. In fact, having this understanding allows me better patience, understanding, and empathy, and my relationship has found a second chance with solid psychology behind it, no guessing, and no more taking anything personally!!! I was stuck on the belief that my man was simply a Passive Aggressive Narcissist, but thanks to this book, I realize that is not the case. He is a good man who craves a relationship with me yet is so afraid I’ll change for the worse or give up on him. Trust issues your avoidant has are NOT your fault; read this and stop blaming yourself!!

I’m grateful for Jeb Kinnison for writing this book and explaining in very clear, yet detailed terms, why avoidants act the way they do. This book turned out to be the only thing that gave me answers and ultimately true comfort. I really enjoyed how the author went into describing the many scenarios and/or conversations that are common with dating an avoidant. This book is very enlightening. Save yourself from heartache and pain, either by understanding your avoidant and trying to salvage the relationship – or – know what to look for early on so you no longer feel frustration in trying to get someone to commit. Everyone needs to read this book!!!

New Review of “Bad Boyfriends” – “Buy the Book!”

Bad Boyfriends Audiobook Cover

Bad Boyfriends Audiobook

A new review of Bad Boyfriends: Using Attachment Theory to Avoid Mr. (or Ms.) Wrong and Make You a Better Partner:

5.0 out of 5 stars

You may not be in a sick relationship, but chances are you know someone who is. BUY THE BOOK!

By Pat Pattersonon April 8, 2016

I obtained this book through the Kindle Unlimited program; therefore, even though I paid for the privilege of reading it, I do not show as a Verified Purchaser.

From his comments, Jeb Kinnison wrote this book for the self-help section of the bookstore. I would very much like to see this included as a part of the curriculum in all helping-professional programs. I’ve finished several of those programs myself, which means I’ve got a lot of degrees; but so does a thermometer, and you know where to stick that. Reading this book, and remembering some of the couples I counseled as a freshly minted M.Ed., I blush a little, and sort of wish I could go back and apologize.

The book starts with a bit of science, but it’s not enough to frighten off a person of average intelligence. As long as you remember that there is more survival value in fear (THERE IS A TIGER! RUN!) than in aesthetic pleasure (Oh, what a lovely sunset), you have the core message of the biology of the brain that you need.

There is a self-assessment form included in the book, and a link to an online form. Since I read this with a Kindle, it was an easy click, and that just sets all sorts of jingle bells ringing for me. Maybe someday, instead of a hyperlink to the internet url, the books will perform that function themselves, and include the info gathered in the rest of the book….I dream.

The PRIMARY advantage of the book is that it is a common-sense approach to good relationships that anyone can understand. If you can identify the toxic issues that have cropped up in past relationships, you have a CHANCE (not a guarantee, because nothing is) of choosing not to walk down that road.

The SECONDARY advantage is that the person with the toxic patterns will be able to see themselves, see what it is that has prevented them from being able to give and receive love in the past, and work on it. This CAN happen, by the way, although it’s less likely.

My favorite part of the book is Chapter 18, The Tyranny of the Fairy Tale. Oh, how I wish that I had this force-fed into my spinal column at age 18! It would have saved me and a few others a great deal of grief. The fairy tale, expressed in my words, is that there is just one love for you in this whole world, and if you find that person, life is wonderful; on the other hand, if you don’t find that person, the best you can hope for is misery. In 1971, all caught up in youthful enthusiasm and the age of Aquarius and an unhealthy dose of mysticism, I believed the fairy tale was true; and I also believed that I had found my One True Love, and spent the better part of a year attempting to persuade her that we were meant for each other. Fortunately, she wasn’t as irrational as I, and eventually, I took a hike; a mournful hike, filled with deep sighs and groans. Also fortunately, many decades after I had been disabused of the fairy tale concept, I had the opportunity to spend some time with her, and realized that we had gone in two completely different spiritual directions, and that our lives were utterly incompatible. And that was a final clearing of the decks which allowed me to seek a mature relationship with a fitting partner, in my latter years, free of the fairy tale.

Conclusion: buy the book. And, if you have any influence at a school preparing counselors, pastors, social workers, or any other members of the helping professions, advocate for this book to be adopted into the curriculum.

“This book is AMAZING…” A Review of “Avoidant”

I’m really happy Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner is reaching more people and helping them with their problems. Since Amazon reviews occasionally disappear, I wanted to save this latest one:

5.0 out of 5 stars – This book is AMAZING.
Verified Purchase

This book is AMAZING. I have never written a review, I probably never will write another review. This book helped me understand 3 things:

1) What is the cluster of behaviors, beliefs, opinions and actions that constitutes an Avoidant Dismissive partner.

2) Why the individual I was in love with was not to blame for those rigid personality characteristics, which sometimes made them able to inflict unbelievable pain in me.

3) How despite her not having responsibility for it, these traits were so stark, rigid, and intense in her that I had to stop having a primary relationship with her, whether or not she had any fault in it.

This book transformed a disorganized mass of madness and pain in my mind into a well-organized hierarchy of painful reasons to make hard decisions, and I think it can do the same for you.

I have already bought this book for 4 other people, including my ex-primary, and expect to continue buying it for people in the following decades.

If I was dying, this book would be on the list of things I wanted my children to read together with Rationality, AI to Zombies, Superintelligence, Darwin Dangerous Idea and Non-Violent Communication.