fearful-avoidant

New Reviews of “Avoidant”

Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner

Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner

Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner keeps chugging along, with translations into Chinese, Romanian, and Spanish due soon. Some new reviews on Amazon:


5.0 out of 5 stars
one of two MUST READS for this subject
June 3, 2017
AMAZING followup read to “Attached,” if you’re looking into this situation from an anxious/avoidant relationship, this book + “Attached” are not redundant and together are quite complementary, with this book being very down-to-earth and light on research quotes, rather assuming their validity and moving on to application.

I am the “anxious” partner. I have read a LOT of books on this subject. Now, if I could just get my avoidant partner to read EITHER of these…

5.0 out of 5 stars
Five Stars
on April 2, 2017
nails it, well done.

5.0 out of 5 stars
Great to read with your partner
on January 18, 2017
Incredibly helpful. Great to read with your partner, to help guide those difficult conversations.

 5.0 out of 5 stars
on January 13, 2017
Excellent, helpful information!!!!

 5.0 out of 5 stars
along with Wired For Love and Marriage Rebranded
on January 9, 2017
If you’re reading this then I know you can relate. This book, along with Wired For Love and Marriage Rebranded, saved me and my marriage. Read all three and ask your spouse to do the same. You’re welcome. 😉

“Attachment Style and Saying I Like You” – Typevolution Blog

Insecure and Secure - credit Sarah Anderson

Insecure and Secure – credit Sarah Anderson

I noticed a clever post at Type•volution linking to this blog’s attachment type pages. The author imagines some typical conversations between the various attachment types, amusingly capturing the flavor of typical interaction scripts for each combination. Recommended reading!

55th Amazon Review of Avoidant – “The Most Helpful Book I Have Read in My Entire Life.”

Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner has sold tens of thousands of copies since it was published two years ago. I am gratified by the number of people who have written me to tell me it helped them, and the thriving community at the Jeb Kinnison Attachment Type Forum which discusses attachment issues and helps people who have been injured.

Today’s really good Amazon review:

on September 25, 2016

 

This book literally changed my life. I am a woman and always had an attachment style that is sometimes fearful avoidant sometimes dismissive avoidant. Everything the author describes about avoidant people matches perfectly what I am, what I did or do and how I feel. I stumbled across other avoidants in my life and like the author says the relationships between me and other avoidants were always short lived because the “why bother” factor was just too much.

This book is priceless both for avoidants like me and for non avoidants. I think almost everyone in their life will happen to date some avoidants, especially if you are still single above 30. This book gives you the tools you need to exactly understand where you stand. It saves you so much pain. For me, it has helped understand why I always feel caged when in a relationship, why I never seem to find the right person despite being very attractive and extremely fit. Also it allowed me to understand how poor my communication is and how out of touch with my emotions I am.

Many of the men I dated told me I behave like a man. I always act like I don’t give a damn about relationships (and in most cases I don’t give a damn for real). I could never figure out why they would say so and the book clarified that avoidants are more often men than women so now I also understand why my dates had that feeling that I behaved like a man.

I would seriously give this book 100 stars. So far I can honestly say it has been the most helpful book I have read in my entire life. I read many books about relationships but this went right to the core, the root reason, why my relationships were always disfunctional. As an avoidant, they were bound to be disfunctional because I made them so. Now with this awareness I think I can learn to be better and hopefully start a secure and mature relationship

Goodreads Review of “Bad Boyfriends” – “This book will save singles immense pain…”

Bad Boyfriends Audiobook Cover

Bad Boyfriends Audiobook

A new Goodreads review of Bad Boyfriends: Using Attachment Theory to Avoid Mr. (or Ms.) Wrong and Make You a Better Partner:

Kimberley rated it 5 stars out of 5 – “it was amazing!”

Bad Boyfriends is a guide to help women (or men) navigate the world of dating, particularly helping them in weeding out “avoidant” men (or women) who don’t have the capacity of participating in a healing, nurturing, healthy relationship without a great deal of therapeutic support and deep work. This book is going to save singles immense pain if it helps them discover this attachment style (and other pathologies) early on, before much time is invested in the relationship. My ex-boyfriend has been heroically honest with the women after me that he begins to date, letting them know that this is his attachment style, and so far, no woman wants to begin a relationship with him. I don’t think relationships work with this type of person because if they meet another avoidant, neither can sustain a relationship beyond a month or two. If they meet someone with an ambivalent attachment style, like me, it will become a living hell for the ambivalent partner. The avoidant doesn’t feel the pain of loss when a relationship ends and actually welcome the end and is relieved by it. There is some hope for an avoidant if they can be with a partner with a history of secure attachment. It will take a great deal of patience on the partner’s part and the ability or desire to be alone a lot.

“This Book Saved My Life!”…” A Review of “Avoidant”

If you’ve read and liked any of my books, stop right now and go leave a review over at Amazon. It’s very important, since more reviews gets more exposure gets more sales… which garners more readers and more reviews. Amazon’s recent arbitrary removal of some reviews means each one is more important, and so I post them here when they appear to be sure a copy is kept.

The latest is for Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner, which is selling well and doing some good in the world:

5.0 out of 5 stars
It was the most painful and traumatic experience I ever had
By Jennifer
April 15, 2016
Format: Paperback|Verified Purchase

I agree with one of the other commenters…this book saved my life. I accidentally stumbled on “Fearful Avoidant” after months of research trying to understand why my man dumped me via text after a whirlwind romance. Of course, I had to find one of the guys that fits into the very rare 5% of Fearful Avoidant…It was the most painful and traumatic experience I ever had, but thanks to Jeb Kinnison, it makes perfect sense. In fact, having this understanding allows me better patience, understanding, and empathy, and my relationship has found a second chance with solid psychology behind it, no guessing, and no more taking anything personally!!! I was stuck on the belief that my man was simply a Passive Aggressive Narcissist, but thanks to this book, I realize that is not the case. He is a good man who craves a relationship with me yet is so afraid I’ll change for the worse or give up on him. Trust issues your avoidant has are NOT your fault; read this and stop blaming yourself!!

I’m grateful for Jeb Kinnison for writing this book and explaining in very clear, yet detailed terms, why avoidants act the way they do. This book turned out to be the only thing that gave me answers and ultimately true comfort. I really enjoyed how the author went into describing the many scenarios and/or conversations that are common with dating an avoidant. This book is very enlightening. Save yourself from heartache and pain, either by understanding your avoidant and trying to salvage the relationship – or – know what to look for early on so you no longer feel frustration in trying to get someone to commit. Everyone needs to read this book!!!

New Review of “Bad Boyfriends” – “Buy the Book!”

Bad Boyfriends Audiobook Cover

Bad Boyfriends Audiobook

A new review of Bad Boyfriends: Using Attachment Theory to Avoid Mr. (or Ms.) Wrong and Make You a Better Partner:

5.0 out of 5 stars

You may not be in a sick relationship, but chances are you know someone who is. BUY THE BOOK!

By Pat Pattersonon April 8, 2016

I obtained this book through the Kindle Unlimited program; therefore, even though I paid for the privilege of reading it, I do not show as a Verified Purchaser.

From his comments, Jeb Kinnison wrote this book for the self-help section of the bookstore. I would very much like to see this included as a part of the curriculum in all helping-professional programs. I’ve finished several of those programs myself, which means I’ve got a lot of degrees; but so does a thermometer, and you know where to stick that. Reading this book, and remembering some of the couples I counseled as a freshly minted M.Ed., I blush a little, and sort of wish I could go back and apologize.

The book starts with a bit of science, but it’s not enough to frighten off a person of average intelligence. As long as you remember that there is more survival value in fear (THERE IS A TIGER! RUN!) than in aesthetic pleasure (Oh, what a lovely sunset), you have the core message of the biology of the brain that you need.

There is a self-assessment form included in the book, and a link to an online form. Since I read this with a Kindle, it was an easy click, and that just sets all sorts of jingle bells ringing for me. Maybe someday, instead of a hyperlink to the internet url, the books will perform that function themselves, and include the info gathered in the rest of the book….I dream.

The PRIMARY advantage of the book is that it is a common-sense approach to good relationships that anyone can understand. If you can identify the toxic issues that have cropped up in past relationships, you have a CHANCE (not a guarantee, because nothing is) of choosing not to walk down that road.

The SECONDARY advantage is that the person with the toxic patterns will be able to see themselves, see what it is that has prevented them from being able to give and receive love in the past, and work on it. This CAN happen, by the way, although it’s less likely.

My favorite part of the book is Chapter 18, The Tyranny of the Fairy Tale. Oh, how I wish that I had this force-fed into my spinal column at age 18! It would have saved me and a few others a great deal of grief. The fairy tale, expressed in my words, is that there is just one love for you in this whole world, and if you find that person, life is wonderful; on the other hand, if you don’t find that person, the best you can hope for is misery. In 1971, all caught up in youthful enthusiasm and the age of Aquarius and an unhealthy dose of mysticism, I believed the fairy tale was true; and I also believed that I had found my One True Love, and spent the better part of a year attempting to persuade her that we were meant for each other. Fortunately, she wasn’t as irrational as I, and eventually, I took a hike; a mournful hike, filled with deep sighs and groans. Also fortunately, many decades after I had been disabused of the fairy tale concept, I had the opportunity to spend some time with her, and realized that we had gone in two completely different spiritual directions, and that our lives were utterly incompatible. And that was a final clearing of the decks which allowed me to seek a mature relationship with a fitting partner, in my latter years, free of the fairy tale.

Conclusion: buy the book. And, if you have any influence at a school preparing counselors, pastors, social workers, or any other members of the helping professions, advocate for this book to be adopted into the curriculum.

“This book is AMAZING…” A Review of “Avoidant”

I’m really happy Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner is reaching more people and helping them with their problems. Since Amazon reviews occasionally disappear, I wanted to save this latest one:

5.0 out of 5 stars – This book is AMAZING.
Verified Purchase

This book is AMAZING. I have never written a review, I probably never will write another review. This book helped me understand 3 things:

1) What is the cluster of behaviors, beliefs, opinions and actions that constitutes an Avoidant Dismissive partner.

2) Why the individual I was in love with was not to blame for those rigid personality characteristics, which sometimes made them able to inflict unbelievable pain in me.

3) How despite her not having responsibility for it, these traits were so stark, rigid, and intense in her that I had to stop having a primary relationship with her, whether or not she had any fault in it.

This book transformed a disorganized mass of madness and pain in my mind into a well-organized hierarchy of painful reasons to make hard decisions, and I think it can do the same for you.

I have already bought this book for 4 other people, including my ex-primary, and expect to continue buying it for people in the following decades.

If I was dying, this book would be on the list of things I wanted my children to read together with Rationality, AI to Zombies, Superintelligence, Darwin Dangerous Idea and Non-Violent Communication.