Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner

Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner has sold tens of thousands of copies since it was published two years ago. I am gratified by the number of people who have written me to tell me it helped them, and the thriving community at the Jeb Kinnison Attachment Type Forum which discusses attachment issues and helps people who have been injured.

Today’s really good Amazon review:

5.0 out of 5 stars The opinion of an avoidant woman

By Ragnar Lodbrok on September 25, 2016

Format: Paperback|Verified Purchase

 

This book literally changed my life. I am a woman and always had an attachment style that is sometimes fearful avoidant sometimes dismissive avoidant. Everything the author describes about avoidant people matches perfectly what I am, what I did or do and how I feel. I stumbled across other avoidants in my life and like the author says the relationships between me and other avoidants were always short lived because the “why bother” factor was just too much.

This book is priceless both for avoidants like me and for non avoidants. I think almost everyone in their life will happen to date some avoidants, especially if you are still single above 30. This book gives you the tools you need to exactly understand where you stand. It saves you so much pain. For me, it has helped understand why I always feel caged when in a relationship, why I never seem to find the right person despite being very attractive and extremely fit. Also it allowed me to understand how poor my communication is and how out of touch with my emotions I am.

Many of the men I dated told me I behave like a man. I always act like I don’t give a damn about relationships (and in most cases I don’t give a damn for real). I could never figure out why they would say so and the book clarified that avoidants are more often men than women so now I also understand why my dates had that feeling that I behaved like a man.

I would seriously give this book 100 stars. So far I can honestly say it has been the most helpful book I have read in my entire life. I read many books about relationships but this went right to the core, the root reason, why my relationships were always disfunctional. As an avoidant, they were bound to be disfunctional because I made them so. Now with this awareness I think I can learn to be better and hopefully start a secure and mature relationship

Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner

Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner got its second Amazon review a few hours after the first! Maybe the first reviewer suggested it for a friend? In any case, I love getting good reviews like this:

5.0 out of 5 stars If only this book came out sooner…
November 12, 2014
Verified Purchase(What’s this?)

This book saved my life. I’ve read nearly all the books out there on attachment theory — this one by far is one of the best. Similar to the previous review, I struggled for nearly a year in trying to understand why my relationship fell apart out of nowhere. It was the most painful and traumatic experience I ever had.

I’m grateful for Jeb Kinnison for writing this book and explaining in very clear, yet detailed terms, why avoidants act the way they do. The man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with turned out to be a fearful avoidant. Up until reading this book I thought our breakup was entirely my fault. This book turned out to be the only thing that gave me answers and ultimately true comfort. I really enjoyed how the author went into describing the many scenarios and/or conversations that are common with dating an avoidant — many of which I experienced first hand. This book is legit — it’s the real deal. Save yourself from heartache and pain. Read it again and again. You’ll be happy you did when you finally end up in the healthy and everlasting relationship you deserve.

Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner

Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner is selling well, about 200 copies in the month it’s been for sale, but I made no special effort to get people to review it–and not one of those 200 buyers did! Until today.

Apparently Amazon customers are no longer taking the time to review books–less than 1% do. This is bad, because Amazon reviews are one of the few indicators of quality left, and if there aren’t many, the ratings can easily be skewed by trolls who sadistically leave one-star reviews and trash your work.

Only a few newspapers and magazines still do book reviews, and those are almost entirely of the legacy-publisher-with-connections and PR variety. If a book becomes news itself after selling well, as 50 Shades of Grey and Wool did, then it will get coverage, otherwise not.

I was very pleased with this reader’s review:

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars easy to understand November 12, 2014
By Twixt
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase

I found this book to be tremendously helpful. It provided a level of insight into the dynamics of my relationship after nearly a year of struggling to find answers from my partner about behavior I found unsettling. At some point in my struggle I arrived at the word ‘dismissive’ in my google searches, and this book came onto my desk.

The subject matter is in depth, easy to understand, and provides an objective matter-of-fact perspective on what is certainly one of the foundations interpersonal dynamics. I strongly suggest this book for anyone that is struggling to find understanding and clarity in an otherwise confusing and/or frustrating relationship … especially one that seems to be conflicting, hypocritical and misleading. It’ll help you understand what is going on, how to manage through it or how to move on.