5.0 out of 5 stars
You may not be in a sick relationship, but chances are you know someone who is. BUY THE BOOK!
By Pat Pattersonon April 8, 2016
I obtained this book through the Kindle Unlimited program; therefore, even though I paid for the privilege of reading it, I do not show as a Verified Purchaser.
From his comments, Jeb Kinnison wrote this book for the self-help section of the bookstore. I would very much like to see this included as a part of the curriculum in all helping-professional programs. I’ve finished several of those programs myself, which means I’ve got a lot of degrees; but so does a thermometer, and you know where to stick that. Reading this book, and remembering some of the couples I counseled as a freshly minted M.Ed., I blush a little, and sort of wish I could go back and apologize.
The book starts with a bit of science, but it’s not enough to frighten off a person of average intelligence. As long as you remember that there is more survival value in fear (THERE IS A TIGER! RUN!) than in aesthetic pleasure (Oh, what a lovely sunset), you have the core message of the biology of the brain that you need.
There is a self-assessment form included in the book, and a link to an online form. Since I read this with a Kindle, it was an easy click, and that just sets all sorts of jingle bells ringing for me. Maybe someday, instead of a hyperlink to the internet url, the books will perform that function themselves, and include the info gathered in the rest of the book….I dream.
The PRIMARY advantage of the book is that it is a common-sense approach to good relationships that anyone can understand. If you can identify the toxic issues that have cropped up in past relationships, you have a CHANCE (not a guarantee, because nothing is) of choosing not to walk down that road.
The SECONDARY advantage is that the person with the toxic patterns will be able to see themselves, see what it is that has prevented them from being able to give and receive love in the past, and work on it. This CAN happen, by the way, although it’s less likely.
My favorite part of the book is Chapter 18, The Tyranny of the Fairy Tale. Oh, how I wish that I had this force-fed into my spinal column at age 18! It would have saved me and a few others a great deal of grief. The fairy tale, expressed in my words, is that there is just one love for you in this whole world, and if you find that person, life is wonderful; on the other hand, if you don’t find that person, the best you can hope for is misery. In 1971, all caught up in youthful enthusiasm and the age of Aquarius and an unhealthy dose of mysticism, I believed the fairy tale was true; and I also believed that I had found my One True Love, and spent the better part of a year attempting to persuade her that we were meant for each other. Fortunately, she wasn’t as irrational as I, and eventually, I took a hike; a mournful hike, filled with deep sighs and groans. Also fortunately, many decades after I had been disabused of the fairy tale concept, I had the opportunity to spend some time with her, and realized that we had gone in two completely different spiritual directions, and that our lives were utterly incompatible. And that was a final clearing of the decks which allowed me to seek a mature relationship with a fitting partner, in my latter years, free of the fairy tale.
Conclusion: buy the book. And, if you have any influence at a school preparing counselors, pastors, social workers, or any other members of the helping professions, advocate for this book to be adopted into the curriculum.
It takes a long time to get one of the legacy review companies to review a book, so finally Kirkus has posted their review.
A third adventure in a sci-fi series follows idealistic rebels who can manipulate reality using quantum portals.
Ten years ago, college students Justin Smith, Steve Duong, and Samantha West led a revolution that invented quantum teleportation and used it to eliminate the Earth’s nuclear arsenal. Now, that same technology, which involves tapping “into the computational substrate that runs the Universe and determines how matter and energy appear to interact,” allows them to live on New Earth. This planet is just one of over 100 worlds humanity has settled throughout the galaxy. Thanks to less condensed populations, the watchful, artificially intelligent Guardians, and replicator programs that provide food, shelter, and clothing, “crime and hunger are almost unknown.” Trouble arises, however, when decimated alien civilizations begin appearing in galactic surveys. Because Justin, Steve, and their programmers can’t find any thriving alien races, they suspect that another intelligence is manipulating the substrate. When Eddie, an artificial intelligence, makes itself known to Kat, Justin and Samantha’s 10-year-old daughter, dire truths trickle in. A race called The First, which lives immortally within the substrate, decides which civilizations get to upload and join it. Determined to test humanity, The First now sends its Shrivers—an AI death squad—toward every planet that the revolutionaries helped settle. Kinnison (Nemo’s World, 2015, etc.) bursts wide the scope of his continuously rewarding series in this latest entry. As in the previous novels, he challenges his characters to evolve morally as well as technologically; when Justin and Steve appear secretive about the discoveries on an alien ship, NASA astronaut Maddy Rahama reminds them why they fought the United States when she says, “I thought you guys were going to be the most transparent government ever.” Keen sociological insights are crucial to the plot, as when Justin says, “Just because no one goes hungry, doesn’t mean people stop envying and hating.” The narrative, despite approaching war, proves riveting in the classic mold of Isaac Asimov and Robert A. Heinlein’s works, in which action never eclipses heart and intellect.
A novel about a galactic threat that offers an addictive barrage of lofty ideas infused with soul.
I’m really happy Avoidant: How to Love (or Leave) a Dismissive Partner is reaching more people and helping them with their problems. Since Amazon reviews occasionally disappear, I wanted to save this latest one:
5.0 out of 5 stars – This book is AMAZING.
This book is AMAZING. I have never written a review, I probably never will write another review. This book helped me understand 3 things:
1) What is the cluster of behaviors, beliefs, opinions and actions that constitutes an Avoidant Dismissive partner.
2) Why the individual I was in love with was not to blame for those rigid personality characteristics, which sometimes made them able to inflict unbelievable pain in me.
3) How despite her not having responsibility for it, these traits were so stark, rigid, and intense in her that I had to stop having a primary relationship with her, whether or not she had any fault in it.
This book transformed a disorganized mass of madness and pain in my mind into a well-organized hierarchy of painful reasons to make hard decisions, and I think it can do the same for you.
I have already bought this book for 4 other people, including my ex-primary, and expect to continue buying it for people in the following decades.
If I was dying, this book would be on the list of things I wanted my children to read together with Rationality, AI to Zombies, Superintelligence, Darwin Dangerous Idea and Non-Violent Communication.
First “professional” review in — rather short.
Humanity’s attempt to survive first contact with a civilization that reaches back to the early days of the universe in: SHRIVERS
By Jeb Kinnison
IR Verdict: Somehow both contemplative and exploding with action, SHRIVERS is an engrossing story that shines a light on humanity’s best and worst aspects as a fleet races to wipe them out.“Instead of relying on outlandish technology or eccentric alien species, Kinnison has crafted a futuristic world that touches on philosophical, moral, and ethical ramifications of survival.”
Humanity has finally found peace among the stars thanks to quantum gateway technology, replicators, and powerful AIs. Before the dust can settle, the riddle of the Fermi Paradox is answered in the worst way possible. All advanced civilizations are uploaded to a virtual realm, or completely eradicated. And humanity is on the chopping block.
SHRIVERS is the third book in the Substrate Wars series. 10 years after Justin Smith and Steve Duong invented quantum gateway technology, humanity spread to other planets in an era of peace without want or violence. After exploring destroyed world after destroyed world, a race known as the Shrivers target humanity for extinction. With a deadline on the clock, Justin and Steve race to prepare for the Shrivers’ arrival. Meanwhile, an emissary from the civilization hidden in the virtual realm (known as the “Substrate”) contacts Justin’s daughter and prepares her to speak on humanity’s behalf to the tribunal that decides all advanced race’s fate.
In a refreshing entry in a science fiction series, SHRIVERS excels at examining humanity’s growth into the wilds of space. Instead of relying on outlandish technology or eccentric alien species, Kinnison has crafted a futuristic world that touches on philosophical, moral, and ethical ramifications of survival. Of course, the tech and aliens are nothing to sneeze at. The use of AIs known as Guardians to curb violent acts, instruct and educate, provide all necessities, and function as humanity’s allies is engaging and intriguing. SHRIVERS is a captivating entry in the series and a stellar piece of sci-fi.
Somehow both contemplative and exploding with action, SHRIVERS is an engrossing story that shines a light on humanity’s best and worst aspects as a fleet races to wipe them out.