Month: June 2014

Free Dating Sites: Which Have Attachment Type Screening?

OkCupid Logo

OkCupid Logo

If you’ve read my book and want to know which of the free dating sites supports matching by attachment type, here’s the list of major sites and their testing and matching capabilities. Some of these are only “free” for crippled use, but I’ve included most sites that are at least free to check out. User numbers are provided by the companies and include registered but inactive users.

Adult Friend Finder: 30 million users. Free version allows you to respond but not to initiate contact. Does not discourage swingers or hookups. Has webcams and a high ratio of prostitutes looking for clients. No attachment-related matching. More than a little sleazy.

Ashley Madison:17 million users. Affair-oriented, target audience well-off older men looking for a courtesan — a young woman to provide sexual and other services in return for support. Free version allows you to respond but not to initiate contact. No attachment-related matching. Controversial, sleazy.

AreYou Interested?: 13 million users. Facebook integration. No attachment-related matching. Phone versions. Social platform with chat and discussion features.

Badoo: 197 million users. Largely free with some premium services. No tests or attachment-related matching, mostly photos. Worldwide, somewhat sleazy.

Chemistry.com: 11 million users. Founded by Match.com people. Personality tests primary. Can set up a profile and take a test free, but mostly not-free (Match.com provides the free intro for this service.) Tests are streamlined, short, and have some attachment-related content.

eHarmony: 33 million users. The second-biggest (after Match.com) test-based matchmaking service. Proprietary tests and matchmaking model, no independent research on effectiveness. Attempts to “match people’s core traits and values to replicate the traits of happy couples.” Long and detailed tests with some attachment-related content. Controversially refused gay customers, saying that their algorithms were tuned for heterosexuals only. Started a gay-only site to answer critics. Further comments here.

Match.com: 96 million users, largest matchmaking site. Owns OkCupid and Chemistry.com. Free to look at users, but contacting requires paid membership. Dumbed-down, largely photo-based matching. Started Chemistry.com to keep those customers interested in detailed matching as the original Match.com was dumbed down to pursue the impatient.

OkCupid: 6 million users. Test-oriented matching that tries to match user partner preferences, not general compatibility. Mostly free with some premium features. Now owned by Match.com. Popular blogging feature killed. Lengthy and detailed questionnaires. One excellent attachment type test, but few users complete it and matching is based on user claims and preferences in many areas of compatibility.

Plenty of Fish (POF): 40 million users. Free but offers some premium services. Has a slightly sleazy reputation, but very popular for hookups and dating; company has tried to reduce the sleaze factor by eliminating an option for “intimate encounters.” No specific attachment-related matching. Company has blocked users from contacting other users if the age difference between them is “too large” (14 years) and removed the option for males to attach images to messages, so there must have been a serious issue with unwanted dick pics, which doesn’t say much for the quality of the clientele.

Zoosk: 50 million users. Facebook integration. International clientele. Free to view and search profiles but only paying members can communicate. Mass-oriented and uses simple behavioral matching — no lengthy tests or personality matches, no attachment-related matching.


More on Divorce, Marriage, and Mateseeking

Marriages Happening Late, Are Good for You
Monogamy and Relationship Failure; “Love Illuminated”
“Millionaire Matchmaker”
More reasons to find a good partner: lower heart disease!
“Princeton Mom” Susan Patton: “Marry Smart” not so smart
“Blue Valentine”
“All the Taken Men are Best” – why women poach married men….
“Marriage Rate Lowest in a Century”
Making Divorce Hard to Strengthen Marriages?
Student Loan Debt: Problems in Divorce
“The Upside of ‘Marrying Down’”
The High Cost of Divorce
Separate Beds Save Marriages?
Marital Discord Linked to Depression
Marriage Contracts: Give People More Legal Options
Older Couples Avoiding Marriage For Financial Reasons
Divorced Men 8 Times as Likely to Commit Suicide as Divorced Women
Vox Charts Millennial Marriage Depression
What’s the Matter with Marriage?
Life Is Unfair! The Great Chain of Dysfunction Ends With You.
Leftover Women: The Chinese Scene
Constant Arguing Can Be Deadly…
“If a fraught relationship significantly shortens your life, are you better off alone?
“Divorce in America: Who Really Wants Out and Why”
View Marriage as a Private Contract?
“It’s up there with ‘Men Are From Mars’ and ‘The Road Less Travelled’”
Free Love, eHarmony, Matchmaking Pseudoscience
Love Songs of the Secure Attachment Type
“The New ‘I Do’”
Unrealistic Expectations: Liberal Arts Woman and Amazon Men
Mark Manson’s “Six Healthy Relationship Habits”
“The Science of Happily Ever After” – Couples Communications
Free Dating Sites: Which Have Attachment Type Screening?
Dating Pool Danger: Harder to Find Good Partners After 30
Mate-Seeking: The Science of Finding Your Best Partner
Perfect Soulmates or Fellow Travelers: Being Happy Depends on Perspective
No Marriage, Please: Cohabiting Taking Over
“Marriage Markets” – Marriage Beyond Our Means?
Rules for Relationships: Realism and Empathy
Limerence vs. Love
The “Fairy Tale” Myth: Both False and Destructive
When to Break Up or Divorce? The Economic View
“Why Are Great Husbands Being Abandoned?”
Divorce and Alimony: State-By-State Reform, Massachusetts Edition
“Sliding” Into Marriage, Small Weddings Associated with Poor Outcomes
Subconscious Positivity Predicts Marriage Success…
Why We Are Attracted to Bad Partners (Who Resemble a Parent)

“Income Inequality” Propaganda is Just Disguised Materialism

Constant political obsession with who has how much money, salary differentials, and wealth disparity is actually a distraction from the real negative effects of distant elite control of the government — loss of respect for individual rights and relationships. Happiness in life comes from good relationships and the respect of your fellow citizens as demonstrated in family ties, private social organizations, and respectful treatment from those rare interactions with government. Sources of unhappiness include: The middle-class family whose home is trashed and dog shot by a SWAT team by mistake. The imprisonment of millions of people whose only crime was a weakness for drug use and being too poor to evade the system. The cancellation of millions of suitable health insurance policies, freely chosen, to be replaced by a government-run scheme for subsidizing some at the expense of others — with some of the subsidized being more wealthy than the subsidizers. The bailouts of bankers and the preservation of government jobs at the expense of taxpayers which raised the debt to $17 trillion. ….

Many people unconsciously assume that having less money means unhappiness, so redistributing money would equalize happiness. But true happiness comes from self-respect and self-reliance.

An excellent piece by Andrew Quinn in The Federalist riffs on Louis C. K.’s reminders of what really matters to happiness:

The thrust of the monologue is that you, I, and everyone around us are spoiled brats. After all, we are surrounded by amazing technologies that provide us with a quality of life beyond anything the vast majority of humans could ever have imagined. We can connect with our friends instantaneously and traverse hundreds of miles in a single hour, just to name two modern marvels. Of course, Louis could also have mentioned air conditioning, refrigeration, medical technology, or a thousand other innovations that touch our daily lives.

Read the monologue’s punch line again: “Everything is amazing and nobody’s happy.” What does Louis mean by “everything”? He talks exclusively about material innovations that make our lives more convenient. Every advantage of modernity he cites is something that money can buy. Consumable goods and services are amazing, but nobody’s happy! When it’s stated that way, the conclusion hardly sounds revelatory. Did anyone really expect that electronics and easy travel were sure paths to deep contentment?

If anyone did, he was fooling himself. A substantial social science literature demonstrates that self-centered materialism is far less relevant for happiness than we might imagine…. the most significant determinants of life satisfaction have nothing to do with money at all. We can see this on an international scale, as academics continue to puzzle over the finding that countries that get richer do not tend to get happier. This phenomenon is linked to “hedonic adaptation,” the concept that humans are quick to adjust our expectations upwards. Today’s delightful surprise becomes tomorrow’s baseline. Louis C.K. encapsulates this in the man who becomes outraged when the brand-new in-flight WiFi crashes: “How quickly the world owes him something that he knew existed only ten seconds ago!”

The same trend holds at the individual level. Once abject poverty is taken off the table, the data clearly show that one’s level of material prosperity is not a major determinant of life satisfaction. It just isn’t. Arthur Brooks, a behavioral economist and my boss at the American Enterprise Institute, uses survey data to construct men who are identical in every aspect, including income, except the depth of their involvement with faith, family, community, and work. Their happiness varies wildly. If Louis is right that nobody’s happy, we can blame our underinvestment in those age-old institutions, not our failure to be grateful for gadgetry. The materialistic premise that cool stuff should mollify men’s restless hearts falls flat in the face of the evidence.

Yet Many Progressives Think In Materialistic Terms

Unfortunately, the political world seems to have missed this memo. Politicians and pundits continually imply, if not explicitly state, that spending money on people through government is morally synonymous with caring for them. In the minds of many pundits, enlarging the size and scope of the welfare stateproves you want what is best for low-income Americans. If you pause to ask such minor questions as whether a proposal would be efficient or effective, you are in danger of unmasking yourself as an uncaring Scrooge. And should you pose the even larger question of whether a transfer payment will help people lead happy and meaningful lives, well, then you’ve outed yourself as completely coldhearted.

In a sensible political conversation, the conceit that no human problem lacks a financial solution would be widely recognized as a condescending and cynical view. The alternative position—that some problems are ripe for a pecuniary fix but many others are not—would be regarded as the nuanced and humane perspective. Unfortunately, we do not have a sensible political conversation, and the popular press delights in making precisely the opposite judgment.

If one book encapsulates what the political Left thinks of conservatives, it is What’s The Matter With Kansas? by the journalist Thomas Frank. In the decade since the book’s publication, Frank’s title has become synonymous with his primary thesis: Conservative politicians strategically use social issues to get blue-collar conservatives hot under the collar, then turn around and enact economic policies that do not actually benefit those voters. This is a perpetual frustration to right-thinking liberals, and a constant refrain in the op-ed pages of their right-thinking publications. How tragic that the low-income populations of red states should be so distracted by “values,” and withhold their votes from the party that would redistribute more resources to them.

What a rube one must be to prize morality more than money! Ranking one’s priorities thus used to make you honorable. Now, in the eyes of coastal cosmopolitans, it simply makes you a sucker.

Conservatives Are Often Materialistic, Too

Progressives are not the only ones building arguments on the faulty foundation of materialism. Scrambling for a rebuttal to Occupy Wall Street and the Left’s focus on inequality, many right-of-center economists have fallen in love with data on economic consumption. This chorus, which includes some impressive conservative thinkers, argues that being poor is not as bad as liberals intimate because poor people have lots of cool stuff.

In a representative op-ed from 2013, economists Donald Boudreaux and Mark Perry purport to debunk the myth of middle-class stagnation using consumption data. “While income inequality might be rising when measured in dollars,” they write, “it is falling when reckoned in what’s most important—our ability to consume.” Those last seven words are telling. The authors insist that the “food, appliances, clothing and cars” available to low-income people make inequality a moot point. A 2011 Heritage Foundation report offered the same general conclusion, as its title makes painfully obvious: “Air Conditioning, Cable TV, and an Xbox: What is Poverty in the United States Today?” Plenty of other sharp economists, such as Scott Sumner, echo the point. These conservatives agree that consumption data deserve more attention than they receive.

Both Left and Right owe America better than the false premise of materialism. Common sense, ancient wisdom, and modern research all converge to tell us that a thousand things are more important to people than the contents of our homes and our bank accounts. We should celebrate this fact. People are not money-crazed automatons. Politicians and pundits should stop talking as if we were.


Death by HR: How Affirmative Action Cripples OrganizationsDeath by HR: How Affirmative Action Cripples Organizations

[From Death by HR: How Affirmative Action Cripples Organizations,  available now in Kindle and trade paperback.]

The first review is in: by Elmer T. Jones, author of The Employment Game. Here’s the condensed version; view the entire review here.

Corporate HR Scrambles to Halt Publication of “Death by HR”

Nobody gets a job through HR. The purpose of HR is to protect their parent organization against lawsuits for running afoul of the government’s diversity extortion bureaus. HR kills companies by blanketing industry with onerous gender and race labor compliance rules and forcing companies to hire useless HR staff to process the associated paperwork… a tour de force… carefully explains to CEOs how HR poisons their companies and what steps they may take to marginalize this threat… It is time to turn the tide against this madness, and Death by HR is an important research tool… All CEOs should read this book. If you are a mere worker drone but care about your company, you should forward an anonymous copy to him.

 


For more on encroaching government, Social Justice Warriors, and modern feminists:

Divorced Men 8 Times as Likely to Commit Suicide as Divorced Women
Life Is Unfair! The Militant Red Pill Movement
Leftover Women: The Chinese Scene
“Divorce in America: Who Really Wants Out and Why”
View Marriage as a Private Contract?
Madmen, Red Pill, and Social Justice Wars
Unrealistic Expectations: Liberal Arts Woman and Amazon Men
Stable is Boring? “Psychology Today” Article on Bad Boyfriends
Ross Douthat on Unstable Families and Culture
Ev Psych: Parental Preferences in Partners
Purge: the Feminist Grievance Bubble
The Social Decay of Black Neighborhoods (And Yours!)
Modern Feminism: Victim-Based Special Pleading
Stereotype Inaccuracy: False Dichotomies
Real-Life “Hunger Games”: Soft Oppression Destroys the Poor
Red Pill Women — Female MRAs
Why Did Black Crime Syndicates Fail to Go Legit?
The “Fairy Tale” Myth: Both False and Destructive
Feminism’s Heritage: Freedom vs. Special Protections
Evolve or Die: Survival Value of the Feminine Imperative
“Why Are Great Husbands Being Abandoned?”
Divorce and Alimony: State-By-State Reform, Massachusetts Edition
Reading “50 Shades of Grey” Gives You Anorexia and an Abusive Partner!
Why We Are Attracted to Bad Partners (Who Resemble a Parent)
Gaming and Science Fiction: Social Justice Warriors Strike Again
Culture Wars: Peace Through Limited Government

More on Quacks: “Dr. Oz” Testifies He’s a Victim!

Dr. Oz testifies

Dr. Oz testifies

As a followup to my post on “Food Babe” Vani Hari’s quackery, media quack Dr. Oz was called up before Congress to explain how he could in good conscience promote 16 miracle fat loss solutions, none of which work. Consumerist excerpts:

Oprah’s favorite alternative medicine mouthpiece Dr. Oz got little love during Tuesday’s Senate subcommittee hearing on the misleading marketing of diet products, with the TV personality admitting that his use of terms like “miracle” for unproven treatments had provided fodder to scammers out to make a quick buck off people desperate to shed pounds. Last night, the Doc went on Facebook to give his fans his perspective on the issue.

“For years I felt that because I did not sell any products that I could be enthusiastic in my coverage,” wrote Doc Oz, who was chastised — most notably by Missouri Senator Clair McCaskill — for shows where he called certain weight-loss products “the number one miracle in a bottle” or “the magic weight-loss solution for every body type,” in spite of little to no peer-reviewed scientific evidence to back up such claims.

“I believe the research surrounding the products I cover has value,” writes Oz, without naming any particular studies. “I took part in the hearing because I am accountable for my role in the proliferation of these scams and I recognize that my enthusiastic language has made the problem worse at times.”

As he stated during the hearing, Dr. Oz defended his choice to air programs about these unproven products by saying that the discussion is going to happen anyway so it should happen on his show. “To not have the conversation about supplements at all, however, would be a disservice to the viewer,” he explains. “In addition to exercising an abundance of caution in discussing promising research and products in the future, I look forward to working with all those present yesterday in finding a way to deal with the problems of weight loss scams.”

A good chunk of the population wants to be believe there are easy solutions to medical problems being kept from them by evil drug and food companies. The primary solution to fat gain issuescutting back on carbs — doesn’t require purchase of a magic substance and so can’t be marketed as profitably. Having been partially protected by the FDA from some quack medical claims, the population is far less skeptical than it should be. “How could they say that if it wasn’t true?” — quite profitably, it turns out.

Althouse blog comments on this, noting Senator McCaskill’s statement “I know you feel that you’re a victim… If you would be more careful, maybe you wouldn’t be victimized as frequently,” which conflicts with “don’t you dare assign any responsibility to the victim!” arguments about female victims.

Other posts on pseudoscientific quacks:

Vandana Shiva: Quack
Cleanses and Detox Diets: Quackery
Mike Adams: Quack Suggests Murdering Monsanto-supporting Scientists
Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.: Quack
Vani Hari, “Food Babe” and Quack: Where the Money Comes From
Vani Hari: “Food Babe” and Quack

Purge: the Feminist Grievance Bubble

grievance bubble

Grievance Bubble

“Rape Culture” and the politics of offense are much in the news lately; I’m doing some work on these “grievance bubbles” (closed communities of hyper-sensitive ideologues that try to control thought and eject heretics) and Reason has a recommended post which puts much of this into perspective:

The message, as Freddie de Boer wrote, is that only some women “deserve” the protection of feminism. Those who fail to fall in line with the left-feminist consensus du jour are branded “bad feminists or, ludicrously, actually misogynists.”

The message of this Twitter mob is that feminism means women are not free to form their own opinions, not about the right language to discuss rape and rape threats, not about the public nature of public tweets, not about how to honestly criticize others in a productive way. “Because no woman with an opinion online goes unpunished, Kilpatrick was swiftly, crudely, and constantly attacked. See, because Kilpatrick is a woman, she is required by this style of “leftist” to have certain opinions, and since she violated that expectation, she has been and continues to be attacked, being accused of not caring about sexual violence against women. In these insults, arguments that Kilpatrick is a bad feminist go hand in hand with sexism against her.”

De Boer called these attitudes “palpably sexist” in their assumption that women have an obligation to hold any particular viewpoint. But this is what good “male allies” do these days: accept whichever feminist narrative implies the most oppression and then swoop in to parrot the terms and save the day. Nevermind those of us who both consider ourselves feminists and reject prevailing progressive victimhood narratives. Dissenting opinions won’t do. Dissenting opinions are violence.

“The mob wants to ensure that a certain experience gives you full control over the language,” de Boer wrote. But it’s not merely that—there’s a trending leftist contingent that wants to ensure certain experiences give you full control over the world.


Death by HR: How Affirmative Action Cripples OrganizationsDeath by HR: How Affirmative Action Cripples Organizations

[From Death by HR: How Affirmative Action Cripples Organizations,  available now in Kindle and trade paperback.]

The first review is in: by Elmer T. Jones, author of The Employment Game. Here’s the condensed version; view the entire review here.

Corporate HR Scrambles to Halt Publication of “Death by HR”

Nobody gets a job through HR. The purpose of HR is to protect their parent organization against lawsuits for running afoul of the government’s diversity extortion bureaus. HR kills companies by blanketing industry with onerous gender and race labor compliance rules and forcing companies to hire useless HR staff to process the associated paperwork… a tour de force… carefully explains to CEOs how HR poisons their companies and what steps they may take to marginalize this threat… It is time to turn the tide against this madness, and Death by HR is an important research tool… All CEOs should read this book. If you are a mere worker drone but care about your company, you should forward an anonymous copy to him.

 


More reading on this topic:

Why We Are Attracted to Bad Partners (Who Resemble a Parent)
Modern Feminism, Social Justice Warriors, and the American Ideal of Freedom
“Why Are Great Husbands Being Abandoned?”
Evolve or Die: Survival Value of the Feminine Imperative
Feminism’s Heritage: Freedom vs. Special Protections
Red Pill Women — Female MRAs
Perfect Soulmates or Fellow Travelers: Being Happy Depends on Perspective
Mate-Seeking: The Science of Finding Your Best Partner
“The Science of Happily Ever After” – Couples Communications