First we’ll look at your attachment type—which will suggest what type of partner will be good for you, and whether you yourself have some attachment issues that might need addressing before you can be a good partner to others.
This online test by R. Chris Fraley is thorough and self-scoring, and it’s part of ongoing research, so please go take it and come right back: Attachment Style Test. (When that test is not working, try this test which asks a smaller number of questions about several important relationships: Relationship Structures. There’s also a shorter, less thorough test here: Experiences in Close Relationships Scale.)
You will notice if you retake this test thinking of a different relationship than your current one, or imagining a relationship with a too-clingy or too-distancing partner, the relationship you are thinking of can strongly influence the attachment type you appear to be. “The idea is that when we’re with a noncommittal person who’s always threatening to leave, we’re prone to feel like a clingy, ambivalent child—regardless of our previous attachment experience. When we’re with an insecure, punishing nag, we’re prone to become somewhat distant and avoidant.”
So, while one tends to have a predominant attachment style from childhood experiences, how you behave in a real relationship may vary as the style of your partner influences you. All of us have secure and insecure moments and can temporarily or under stress exhibit any of the insecure patterns.
Next: Self-Esteem and Attachment Type
Or go directly to your type:
Type: Secure
Type: Anxious-Preoccupied
Type: Dismissive-Avoidant
Type: Fearful-Avoidant